Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
