I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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