Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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