Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize