Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
