oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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