All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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