Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
