Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
