its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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