You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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