I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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