Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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