Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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