when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
