i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
