dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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