he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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