So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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