Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
