i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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