im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
