So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
