Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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