dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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