Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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