Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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