wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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