NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
