Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
