dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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