Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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