I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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