awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
