things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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