ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
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I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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