I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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