i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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