just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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