i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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