I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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