hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him