The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.