Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.