This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
