If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.