i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
