I want to walk on stilts...naked
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
