I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
