How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
