Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is my gift to your gina
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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