i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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