i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize