I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize