He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize