Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
