so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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