Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
