yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
