happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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