She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
