Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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