I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
