Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
